Yes, they will ruin your house

There are two things that a child will bring into your home: 1-an infinite amount of love and happiness, and 2-a wave of chaos and destruction.

A big wave. No, bigger—a tsunami. Despite all the joy, I would advise you to take a good look at your house—the nice wood floors, the pictures, the plants and the decorations—because all of it will be a thing of the past the second you come home with a mini you. Sure, you can tell yourself that you’ll be able to keep it under control and that you’ll manage to keep a nice home, but it’s just not going to happen. You might as well get over it right now.

Even if I consider my kids to be pretty careful and calm, here are just some of the situations we had to go through in the house that will give you a taste of the things to come.

  • Graffiti on the walls, furniture, clothes and rugs. They call them, “drawings for me.” Yeah thanks.
  • Scratches everywhere on the floors when kids are sliding toys, chairs and more across entire rooms.
  • A sink permanently stained with nail polish when the girls wanted to look real pretty like mommy.
  • The towel bar ripped off the bathroom wall. (They were trying CrossFit.)
  • The central vacuum pipes were blocked three times after my son discovered that he liked throwing Barbie heads in them. Cost a bundle to get fixed.
  • There are foam sword holes and dents in most of my walls. They took the foam off…
  • The floor also has dents all over it, because why carry something when you can just throw it?
  • The table top looks like a battlefield. They just love playing drums with utensils.
  • The toaster died a while back when I didn’t notice hot wheels in it one morning.
  • Our giant glass snow globe fell off the table and shattered last Christmas. We’re still looking for the culprit.
  • The TV remote took a trip to the shower when I wasn’t watching. My daughter said it was dirty.
  • My pickup was drawn on with rocks (scratched) to make it prettier. I was real happy about that one.

Have you experienced “accidents” like this? Do you have any tricks to share with us? Here’s our best piece of advice for all of you young parents out there: put everything away. You can either baby proof your house or you can waste your time yelling, warning and policing the kids during their playtime.

Vases, pots and picture frames can be replaced. Floors, walls and door frames can easily be fixed. You will have the rest of your life to try and Pinterest your home. But for now, why don’t you make it easy on yourself and get it in your head that it’s not your home anymore—it’s your family’s home and it’s become a giant playground. Have some fun in it!


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